No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
