Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
