So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
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