i need an iv and a liver transplant
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
