The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
