areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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