Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
