just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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