Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
