Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is Oprah even human
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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