We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
