Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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