hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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