hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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