If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
God I need to hump something, right now.
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