i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize