so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
