I can't watch pbs sober anymore
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
