Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize