Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
