I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
