Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize