it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
