I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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