She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
