It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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