Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
