Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
