Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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