He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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