I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
