Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
