take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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