my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
