allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
