The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
