Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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