Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
