My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
