it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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