Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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