dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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