Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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