We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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