found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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