Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
