Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
