If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
