this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
