He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
