Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
