Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize