David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
