dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
