Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
