oh god the rape fog is back!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
