Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
