There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
