remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i came on her dog
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
