I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
